Posts tagged ipod

I saw my ipod’s life flash before my eyes

Everyday I take 2 subways to get to work. The first is a local. The second, well I can take a local and be let off right by my work, or I can take an express that gets me about 7 walking minutes away.

If I want to be let off by work, it’s best to be on the front of the train. If I’m going to walk it’s better to be at the back. So, I generally stand right in the middle of the platform and when the train comes, I see if it is local or express and book it to that respective end of the platform.

Today it was local, and I took off to get as close to the front as possible.

Suddenly, I felt a strong tug on my headphones. My ipod touch had slipped out of my pocket. I spun around and looked down. I saw the ipod crash down on the ground, and the cute little pink case I just bought for it spring open, sending the ipod cascading across the pavement. Sliding… sliding… sliding… and stopping RIGHT next to the edge of the platform where the oncoming train was currently whooshing in.

And here is what I found amusing:

I started laughing.

Yes, my gut reaction to seeing my $450 (including tax) ipod nearly be mutilated by an oncoming C train was… to laugh.

I bent down to retrieve it and I tried to do that thing where you look knowingly at the people around you as if to say, “Phew, close one huh?”

What I got from the first and only three people I dared to look at were three equally hate-filled glares. Apparently, they could not relate. Their looks collectively said:

“You are a stupid little girl and I wish that your fancy ipod HAD gone over the edge. It would serve you right for being in such a rush that you had no regard for your valuable belongings. Did your daddy buy you that? And how about those Ugg boots? You must have everything handed to you. Life bores the shit out of you. Here I am living paycheck to paycheck, working two jobs to support my kids and their deadbeat father, and you’re just living it up without a care in the world aside from wondering which outfit you’ll pick out to wear in the morning, you ungrateful little bitch.”

In response, I glared right back as if to say:

“I saved up for months to buy this ipod and I’ve never spent that much on anything before.

These are not Uggs, they are a cheap imitation.

YOU’RE a bitch… bitch.”

That’s all.

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My hot and bothered ipod headphones

I should really say “cold and bothered” …let me explain.

I’ve made an amazing discovery. While walking down the street on an exceptionally cold day last week, and bopping along to Belinda Carlisle’s ‘Heaven is a Place on Earth,’ I looked down at my dangling ipod headphones and saw that they were no longer dangling. They were… stiff.

Apparently, when it’s very cold out, ipod headphones lose their malleability.

But here is the amazing discovery…

I looked down at the headphones and the first thing that popped into MY head was:

Erection.

That’s right, I saw them and was immediately reminded of a hard-on.

Then, I laughed quietly to myself and readjusted the ear buds attached to my once flaccid headphone cords, just as Belinda was ending the second verse.

“In this world we’re just beginning, to understand the miracle of living.” AMEN to that sista.

So, if you ever happen to see me on the street on a cold day listening to my ipod… take comfort in the fact that I am definitely thinking about boners.

That is all…

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